Depression is a constant in my life, and sadly I've learnt to accept it as part of who I am, but not my defining feature. Regardless of how I feel on a day to day basis, there is always an underlying emptiness which never disappears. Distraction can help, but when I'm alone with my thoughts, be that at night or during the working day, that's when it hits me the hardest, and it's awful. Sometimes it's an effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. And even when it goes away temporarily, I can't enjoy it because I know it will come back... Many thanks to Emika for promoting awareness of this important issue, and much love and support for any of you experiencing similar issues!

Sin tristeza, ni felicidad. Es una nube gris opacando el impulso de vivir.

Meine Depression ist wie ein altbekannter, unerwünschter Gast im dunklen Gewandt. Plötzlich ist sie da, macht es sich auf meinem Küchenstühl bequem und starrt mich erwartungsvoll an. Heute zucke ich müde die Glieder. Es ist ein altes Lied. Am Morgen, Aufstehen unmöglich, am Abend ist die Nacht noch zu lang. Die Depression verlangt Aufmerksamkeit, sie wütend in der Vorratskammer, frisst ungefragt Energien. Wenn sie satt ist, nistet sie sich ein in mir, legt mich in Fesseln, macht die Wege lang und meinen Kopf zu wirr für klare Gedanken. Irgendwann ist sie weg, wie ein Gespenst durch die Hintertür. Ich atme auf. Wissend: Der nächste Besuch kommt bestimmt.

Meine Depression ist Käfig. Je mehr ich an den Stäben rüttel, desto kleiner wird er.

The sadness will never ends

Wenn ich depressiv bin, dann fühle ich mich sehr erschöpft, antriebslos und niedergeschlagen. Ich habe keine Energie bzw. Motivation etwas zu machen oder mich für irgendwas zu begeistern. Ich bin traurig und fühle mich einsam. Ein Unbehagen macht sich in mir breit. Gedankenkreisen wie ein Adler immer wieder um dieselben Sachen. Ich fühle mich verloren und finde keinen Sinn.

Minha depressão olhou pra vida com os olhos de quem não quer mais viver. Tornou o meu mundo cinza e tirou o sentido de tudo que um dia foi importante. Falo dela no passado porque tive que percorrer um longo caminho pra tornar meu mundo colorido de novo.

Депрессия - это когда ты уже ничего не можешь делать. Но при любом состоянии, я всегда занималась музыкой, выражалась в ней. Думая об этом, музыка и есть моя депрессия как и мое лечение, мой придуманный священник, слушающий и принимающий все что я говорю. Слушая свою музыку, я понимаю, что она о смерти и безнадежности. Об одиночестве и невероятной тоске. Почему? Я не знаю, но знаю что без музыки бы не прожила.

Wenn man sich nicht mehr erinnern kann, wann man das letzte mal wirklich, ehrlich glücklich war und es Jahre her sein muss. Es fällt schwer im Alltag von Leuten umgeben zu sein, die scheinbar immer positiv sind und du eine Maske aufsetzen musst um nicht direkt in Tränen auszubrechen. Man spielt dieses Spiel schon lange und kann es gut ohne, dass es jemandem auffallen würde...

I think the best explanation I've come across about depression, is the feeling of being pressed down.. de-pressed. Something heavy, working against you, being carried around. I can't say if I have had this or not, but a layer of anxiety was hovering above really deep intimate feelings of sadness which I didn't want to deal with and it manifested over time. Turning it all into music somehow was a way of making something horrible into something beautiful.

Depression is like wearing a really heavy blanket over your head that covers your eyes and forces you to look at the floor. It's not there all the time, but every so often it comes and clings on to you. It makes the simplest of tasks seemingly impossible to manage. Getting out of bed, washing yourself, making a cup of tea, answering the phone, writing a text or an email etc are all far too much trouble when your arms and hands feel like lead. It is alway much easier to just lie there, not to talk, not to think, not to move and just stare at the wall. You are breathing and existing but you are not feeling or living. In a strange way it is comforting and some times I wish I could just stay here forever...

This opportunity is special fore,as Emika's music has played in my head during the times of deep anxieties. In 2012, I was helping with a film festival that used Emika's tune to 3 hours as an intro. The theme of the (queer) festival was madness. It was a time when,after several triggers including an abusive relationship I started to have panic and anxiety attacks. I thought of death all the time,couldn't stop it. Took me 6 months to recover and slowly get back to a better condition. Since then,every.now and then I suffer from anxieties. I learned to make my peace with it. accepted that this could happen any time and that it is important to take care of the self. to look for others. to stay away from the abusers. I tend to fail the last one. so when Im really really down and need an emancipation kick, the 3 Hours song does the work. not everytime. and sometimes it makes me sad. but for me,its one of the most powerful songs and I always.feel emotions while listening to it. from the tunes and from the many memories it brings me.

Terrible, i feel like i'm stuck in the same place, i feel like i'm not capable of doing anything worthy in life

I got my depressive side from my mother. There was always that darkness inside of me. I was a nice child but was really lost. Always been waving and fighting between the light and the shadows. There has always been a cloud in front of my rainbow. I have learned, through the years, and especially through music, not only to accept, but to embrace my dark side. To accept my tears, and stop seeing that darkness as a weakness. When I first heard you it was Battles. I feel in love with your voice, your sound, your soul, cause we can totally feel it. I follow you since and I got to say you make me travel in my head so much more that I could around the world... Thank you for sharing your uniqueness with you, you truly are a blessing xxx

My depression feels mostly like the absence of feeling. The best I get is perpetually numb, but that is better than when despair takes over and I feel like I cannot breathe and nothing will ever get better. I am working on it though and it is the hope that things will get better that keeps me going.

I experienced a terrible depression throughout 2017, after recovering from manic psychosis. When I am depressed I sleep an awful lot, and my dreams become a form of escapism. Waking up was always awful, but if I could awake maybe three times in between different dreams, it almost felt like I was experiencing something worthwhile. The moment I could not get back to sleep was when the nightmare began. Longing for death, unable to comprehend anything like excitement... I would sit there and try to imagine what could rouse me. Even fractals and faraway planets were trite and meaningless. I did feel a special closeness to a higher power at that time. I had utmost faith in God even though he was responsible for my torment. Oddly, when I am happy and lucid I'm an agnostic who doesn't respect God if he does exist...everything becomes hard work.. The thought of standing upright in a shower and washing yourself is incomprehensible, and I managed to about once every three weeks. Washing was harder than planning and writing a dissertation. I'm struggling to even put myself back in that person's shoes. Usually quite a giddy person, who lives for laughter and can honestly say I went an entire year without so much as even smiling. Anyway, I'll stop it's making me shudder thinking about it! Hopefully never ever again!

Она то, что есть в моем маленьком мире. Не важно, как я не хочу ее замечать, она никуда не уйдет...

Ich fühle nicht mehr, ich funktioniere nur noch. Alles ist grau und sinnlos. Ich bin isoliert und allein.

Moja depresja jest rakiem pozerajacym dusze... Sprawia fizyczny bol, dusi... Caly swiat wydaje sie byc miejscem gdzie umiera nadzieja...

My depression is a cloudy morning, a state of complete paralysis where time stands still, the epitome of nothingness.

Depression is a constant in my life, and sadly I've learnt to accept it as part of who I am, but not my defining feature. Regardless of how I feel on a day to day basis, there is always an underlying emptiness which never disappears. Distraction can help, but when I'm alone with my thoughts, be that at night or during the working day, that's when it hits me the hardest, and it's awful. Sometimes it's an effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. And even when it goes away temporarily, I can't enjoy it because I know it will come back... Many thanks to Emika for promoting awareness of this important issue, and much love and support for any of you experiencing similar issues!

Sin tristeza, ni felicidad. Es una nube gris opacando el impulso de vivir.

Meine Depression ist wie ein altbekannter, unerwünschter Gast im dunklen Gewandt. Plötzlich ist sie da, macht es sich auf meinem Küchenstühl bequem und starrt mich erwartungsvoll an. Heute zucke ich müde die Glieder. Es ist ein altes Lied. Am Morgen, Aufstehen unmöglich, am Abend ist die Nacht noch zu lang. Die Depression verlangt Aufmerksamkeit, sie wütend in der Vorratskammer, frisst ungefragt Energien. Wenn sie satt ist, nistet sie sich ein in mir, legt mich in Fesseln, macht die Wege lang und meinen Kopf zu wirr für klare Gedanken. Irgendwann ist sie weg, wie ein Gespenst durch die Hintertür. Ich atme auf. Wissend: Der nächste Besuch kommt bestimmt.

Meine Depression ist Käfig. Je mehr ich an den Stäben rüttel, desto kleiner wird er.

The sadness will never ends

Wenn ich depressiv bin, dann fühle ich mich sehr erschöpft, antriebslos und niedergeschlagen. Ich habe keine Energie bzw. Motivation etwas zu machen oder mich für irgendwas zu begeistern. Ich bin traurig und fühle mich einsam. Ein Unbehagen macht sich in mir breit. Gedankenkreisen wie ein Adler immer wieder um dieselben Sachen. Ich fühle mich verloren und finde keinen Sinn.

Minha depressão olhou pra vida com os olhos de quem não quer mais viver. Tornou o meu mundo cinza e tirou o sentido de tudo que um dia foi importante. Falo dela no passado porque tive que percorrer um longo caminho pra tornar meu mundo colorido de novo.

Депрессия - это когда ты уже ничего не можешь делать. Но при любом состоянии, я всегда занималась музыкой, выражалась в ней. Думая об этом, музыка и есть моя депрессия как и мое лечение, мой придуманный священник, слушающий и принимающий все что я говорю. Слушая свою музыку, я понимаю, что она о смерти и безнадежности. Об одиночестве и невероятной тоске. Почему? Я не знаю, но знаю что без музыки бы не прожила.

Wenn man sich nicht mehr erinnern kann, wann man das letzte mal wirklich, ehrlich glücklich war und es Jahre her sein muss. Es fällt schwer im Alltag von Leuten umgeben zu sein, die scheinbar immer positiv sind und du eine Maske aufsetzen musst um nicht direkt in Tränen auszubrechen. Man spielt dieses Spiel schon lange und kann es gut ohne, dass es jemandem auffallen würde...

I think the best explanation I've come across about depression, is the feeling of being pressed down.. de-pressed. Something heavy, working against you, being carried around. I can't say if I have had this or not, but a layer of anxiety was hovering above really deep intimate feelings of sadness which I didn't want to deal with and it manifested over time. Turning it all into music somehow was a way of making something horrible into something beautiful.

Depression is like wearing a really heavy blanket over your head that covers your eyes and forces you to look at the floor. It's not there all the time, but every so often it comes and clings on to you. It makes the simplest of tasks seemingly impossible to manage. Getting out of bed, washing yourself, making a cup of tea, answering the phone, writing a text or an email etc are all far too much trouble when your arms and hands feel like lead. It is alway much easier to just lie there, not to talk, not to think, not to move and just stare at the wall. You are breathing and existing but you are not feeling or living. In a strange way it is comforting and some times I wish I could just stay here forever...

This opportunity is special fore,as Emika's music has played in my head during the times of deep anxieties. In 2012, I was helping with a film festival that used Emika's tune to 3 hours as an intro. The theme of the (queer) festival was madness. It was a time when,after several triggers including an abusive relationship I started to have panic and anxiety attacks. I thought of death all the time,couldn't stop it. Took me 6 months to recover and slowly get back to a better condition. Since then,every.now and then I suffer from anxieties. I learned to make my peace with it. accepted that this could happen any time and that it is important to take care of the self. to look for others. to stay away from the abusers. I tend to fail the last one. so when Im really really down and need an emancipation kick, the 3 Hours song does the work. not everytime. and sometimes it makes me sad. but for me,its one of the most powerful songs and I always.feel emotions while listening to it. from the tunes and from the many memories it brings me.

Terrible, i feel like i'm stuck in the same place, i feel like i'm not capable of doing anything worthy in life

I got my depressive side from my mother. There was always that darkness inside of me. I was a nice child but was really lost. Always been waving and fighting between the light and the shadows. There has always been a cloud in front of my rainbow. I have learned, through the years, and especially through music, not only to accept, but to embrace my dark side. To accept my tears, and stop seeing that darkness as a weakness. When I first heard you it was Battles. I feel in love with your voice, your sound, your soul, cause we can totally feel it. I follow you since and I got to say you make me travel in my head so much more that I could around the world... Thank you for sharing your uniqueness with you, you truly are a blessing xxx

My depression feels mostly like the absence of feeling. The best I get is perpetually numb, but that is better than when despair takes over and I feel like I cannot breathe and nothing will ever get better. I am working on it though and it is the hope that things will get better that keeps me going.

I experienced a terrible depression throughout 2017, after recovering from manic psychosis. When I am depressed I sleep an awful lot, and my dreams become a form of escapism. Waking up was always awful, but if I could awake maybe three times in between different dreams, it almost felt like I was experiencing something worthwhile. The moment I could not get back to sleep was when the nightmare began. Longing for death, unable to comprehend anything like excitement... I would sit there and try to imagine what could rouse me. Even fractals and faraway planets were trite and meaningless. I did feel a special closeness to a higher power at that time. I had utmost faith in God even though he was responsible for my torment. Oddly, when I am happy and lucid I'm an agnostic who doesn't respect God if he does exist...everything becomes hard work.. The thought of standing upright in a shower and washing yourself is incomprehensible, and I managed to about once every three weeks. Washing was harder than planning and writing a dissertation. I'm struggling to even put myself back in that person's shoes. Usually quite a giddy person, who lives for laughter and can honestly say I went an entire year without so much as even smiling. Anyway, I'll stop it's making me shudder thinking about it! Hopefully never ever again!

Она то, что есть в моем маленьком мире. Не важно, как я не хочу ее замечать, она никуда не уйдет...

Ich fühle nicht mehr, ich funktioniere nur noch. Alles ist grau und sinnlos. Ich bin isoliert und allein.

Moja depresja jest rakiem pozerajacym dusze... Sprawia fizyczny bol, dusi... Caly swiat wydaje sie byc miejscem gdzie umiera nadzieja...

My depression is a cloudy morning, a state of complete paralysis where time stands still, the epitome of nothingness.














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Falling In Love With Sadness

Dear Fans,

/s/ /s/

Thank you for visiting my page.

/s/ /s/

I would like to invite you to share your experiences of depression and mental health. You can write anonymously and in your own language.

/s/ /s/

By pre-ordering my album, you will also be supporting Music Minds Matter, a 24/7 service that helps musicians through tough times.

/s/ /s/

Thank you for sharing!

/s/ /s/

Emika ♥

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Falling In Love With Sadness