Depression feels like nothingness; like you've forgotten how to feel. Every happy event in your life is muddied by it's tendrils and every sad event is brightened and boldened as if to say "this is what your every day life is". It makes you forget about the little things, and about all the people who care about you. Nothing matters.

A numbness, void of feeling, of experience, of detail, and yet tainted by irrepressible melancholy, tangible merely by its presence amongst an absence of sensory processing. The self-knowledge of impotence, the battle lines of depression so prescient and present beyond existential, but with only an inner murmur, tone deaf and stripped bare, with which to fight back. Debilitating! Suffocating! Dehumanising! Horror!

I experienced a terrible depression throughout 2017, after recovering from manic psychosis. When I am depressed I sleep an awful lot, and my dreams become a form of escapism. Waking up was always awful, but if I could awake maybe three times in between different dreams, it almost felt like I was experiencing something worthwhile. The moment I could not get back to sleep was when the nightmare began. Longing for death, unable to comprehend anything like excitement... I would sit there and try to imagine what could rouse me. Even fractals and faraway planets were trite and meaningless. I did feel a special closeness to a higher power at that time. I had utmost faith in God even though he was responsible for my torment. Oddly, when I am happy and lucid I'm an agnostic who doesn't respect God if he does exist...everything becomes hard work.. The thought of standing upright in a shower and washing yourself is incomprehensible, and I managed to about once every three weeks. Washing was harder than planning and writing a dissertation. I'm struggling to even put myself back in that person's shoes. Usually quite a giddy person, who lives for laughter and can honestly say I went an entire year without so much as even smiling. Anyway, I'll stop it's making me shudder thinking about it! Hopefully never ever again!

Wenn ich depressiv bin, dann fühle ich mich sehr erschöpft, antriebslos und niedergeschlagen. Ich habe keine Energie bzw. Motivation etwas zu machen oder mich für irgendwas zu begeistern. Ich bin traurig und fühle mich einsam. Ein Unbehagen macht sich in mir breit. Gedankenkreisen wie ein Adler immer wieder um dieselben Sachen. Ich fühle mich verloren und finde keinen Sinn.

My depression feels mostly like the absence of feeling. The best I get is perpetually numb, but that is better than when despair takes over and I feel like I cannot breathe and nothing will ever get better. I am working on it though and it is the hope that things will get better that keeps me going.

Ugy erzem, nincs ertelme az eletemnek, nincs miert felkelnem, nincs ami motivaljon. Nincs helyem a vilagban. Mar azt sem ertem, hogy a barataim es a csaladom meg miert tart ki mellettem. Nem erzem meltonak magam a figyelmukre es szeretetukre.

Es no entender que siento y no saber cómo controlarlo.

My depression feels different every day. It’s lonely, overwhelming, inhibiting and misunderstood. Like a thousand eyes are watching but I still can’t be seen. An endless cloud overhead, even on the brightest of days. It consumes and diminishes all that makes me... me.

I got my depressive side from my mother. There was always that darkness inside of me. I was a nice child but was really lost. Always been waving and fighting between the light and the shadows. There has always been a cloud in front of my rainbow. I have learned, through the years, and especially through music, not only to accept, but to embrace my dark side. To accept my tears, and stop seeing that darkness as a weakness. When I first heard you it was Battles. I feel in love with your voice, your sound, your soul, cause we can totally feel it. I follow you since and I got to say you make me travel in my head so much more that I could around the world... Thank you for sharing your uniqueness with you, you truly are a blessing xxx

Depression er som at være i en osteklokke, som man gerne vil ud af, og samtidig ønsker man, at den lukker sig tættere omkring en for at skærme for alt det, man ikke magter.

This opportunity is special fore,as Emika's music has played in my head during the times of deep anxieties. In 2012, I was helping with a film festival that used Emika's tune to 3 hours as an intro. The theme of the (queer) festival was madness. It was a time when,after several triggers including an abusive relationship I started to have panic and anxiety attacks. I thought of death all the time,couldn't stop it. Took me 6 months to recover and slowly get back to a better condition. Since then,every.now and then I suffer from anxieties. I learned to make my peace with it. accepted that this could happen any time and that it is important to take care of the self. to look for others. to stay away from the abusers. I tend to fail the last one. so when Im really really down and need an emancipation kick, the 3 Hours song does the work. not everytime. and sometimes it makes me sad. but for me,its one of the most powerful songs and I always.feel emotions while listening to it. from the tunes and from the many memories it brings me.

Masentuneena en jaksaisi olla ihmisten ympäröimänä. Mielelläni jäisin kotiin. Mutta kuka kuulisi ja näkisi vetäytymiseni taakse? Masentuneena ääni tarttuu kurkkuun ja on vaikea pyytää apua.

Siento que todo se viene abajo y que nada tiene sentido. Puedo funcionar en mi vida diaria pero nada de lo que hago importa y todo me hace llorar. Dejo de hacer las cosas que antes me gustaban (dibujar, leer, salir con amigos) me encierro en mi mundo y no salgo a menos que sea al trabajo, porque tengo miedo. Tengo miedo de que me vean, siento que algo siempre me va a lastimar físicamente si me expongo a otros. No puedo ver a nadie a los ojos porque no quiero que vean lo que siento. Y me siento sola, muy sola, repugnante físicamente y un fracaso que no merece ser amado por lo que soy.

The sadness will never ends

Ich fühle nicht mehr, ich funktioniere nur noch. Alles ist grau und sinnlos. Ich bin isoliert und allein.

Deprese je jako velký černý pes, který chodí všude s tebou, nikdy jsi si ho nechtěla pořídit ale stejně si lehne ke všemu co máš ráda. Deprese způsobená samotou a neschopností navázat a udržet kvalitní vztahy mě potkala v období, které možná může být tím nejlepším v našem životě. Od 26 let se člověk musí srovnávat s tím, že přišel o většinu přátel, potýká se s pochybnostmi o smyslu čehokoliv o co se pokouší. Místo ochutnávání společně uvařených jídel je Fluzak, místo objetí jenom přikrývka, místo spousty sexu jen hodiny zbůhdarma proležené v posteli a místo sdílených vteřin prázdné dny. Probouzet se je skvělé. Nejhorší je usínání.

Depression is a constant in my life, and sadly I've learnt to accept it as part of who I am, but not my defining feature. Regardless of how I feel on a day to day basis, there is always an underlying emptiness which never disappears. Distraction can help, but when I'm alone with my thoughts, be that at night or during the working day, that's when it hits me the hardest, and it's awful. Sometimes it's an effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. And even when it goes away temporarily, I can't enjoy it because I know it will come back... Many thanks to Emika for promoting awareness of this important issue, and much love and support for any of you experiencing similar issues!

Mulle masennus tuntuu kuin harmaalta ja raskaalta verholta silmieni edessä, joka saa mut näkemään kaikki sameassa ja surullisessa valossa.

I think the best explanation I've come across about depression, is the feeling of being pressed down.. de-pressed. Something heavy, working against you, being carried around. I can't say if I have had this or not, but a layer of anxiety was hovering above really deep intimate feelings of sadness which I didn't want to deal with and it manifested over time. Turning it all into music somehow was a way of making something horrible into something beautiful.

Powoli przybijam piątkę z moim smutkiem, choć nigdy nie będzie pomiędzy nami zgody. Potrafię już go nazwać, ale nie zawsze daję szansę mu odejść.

Depression feels like nothingness; like you've forgotten how to feel. Every happy event in your life is muddied by it's tendrils and every sad event is brightened and boldened as if to say "this is what your every day life is". It makes you forget about the little things, and about all the people who care about you. Nothing matters.

A numbness, void of feeling, of experience, of detail, and yet tainted by irrepressible melancholy, tangible merely by its presence amongst an absence of sensory processing. The self-knowledge of impotence, the battle lines of depression so prescient and present beyond existential, but with only an inner murmur, tone deaf and stripped bare, with which to fight back. Debilitating! Suffocating! Dehumanising! Horror!

I experienced a terrible depression throughout 2017, after recovering from manic psychosis. When I am depressed I sleep an awful lot, and my dreams become a form of escapism. Waking up was always awful, but if I could awake maybe three times in between different dreams, it almost felt like I was experiencing something worthwhile. The moment I could not get back to sleep was when the nightmare began. Longing for death, unable to comprehend anything like excitement... I would sit there and try to imagine what could rouse me. Even fractals and faraway planets were trite and meaningless. I did feel a special closeness to a higher power at that time. I had utmost faith in God even though he was responsible for my torment. Oddly, when I am happy and lucid I'm an agnostic who doesn't respect God if he does exist...everything becomes hard work.. The thought of standing upright in a shower and washing yourself is incomprehensible, and I managed to about once every three weeks. Washing was harder than planning and writing a dissertation. I'm struggling to even put myself back in that person's shoes. Usually quite a giddy person, who lives for laughter and can honestly say I went an entire year without so much as even smiling. Anyway, I'll stop it's making me shudder thinking about it! Hopefully never ever again!

Wenn ich depressiv bin, dann fühle ich mich sehr erschöpft, antriebslos und niedergeschlagen. Ich habe keine Energie bzw. Motivation etwas zu machen oder mich für irgendwas zu begeistern. Ich bin traurig und fühle mich einsam. Ein Unbehagen macht sich in mir breit. Gedankenkreisen wie ein Adler immer wieder um dieselben Sachen. Ich fühle mich verloren und finde keinen Sinn.

My depression feels mostly like the absence of feeling. The best I get is perpetually numb, but that is better than when despair takes over and I feel like I cannot breathe and nothing will ever get better. I am working on it though and it is the hope that things will get better that keeps me going.

Ugy erzem, nincs ertelme az eletemnek, nincs miert felkelnem, nincs ami motivaljon. Nincs helyem a vilagban. Mar azt sem ertem, hogy a barataim es a csaladom meg miert tart ki mellettem. Nem erzem meltonak magam a figyelmukre es szeretetukre.

Es no entender que siento y no saber cómo controlarlo.

My depression feels different every day. It’s lonely, overwhelming, inhibiting and misunderstood. Like a thousand eyes are watching but I still can’t be seen. An endless cloud overhead, even on the brightest of days. It consumes and diminishes all that makes me... me.

I got my depressive side from my mother. There was always that darkness inside of me. I was a nice child but was really lost. Always been waving and fighting between the light and the shadows. There has always been a cloud in front of my rainbow. I have learned, through the years, and especially through music, not only to accept, but to embrace my dark side. To accept my tears, and stop seeing that darkness as a weakness. When I first heard you it was Battles. I feel in love with your voice, your sound, your soul, cause we can totally feel it. I follow you since and I got to say you make me travel in my head so much more that I could around the world... Thank you for sharing your uniqueness with you, you truly are a blessing xxx

Depression er som at være i en osteklokke, som man gerne vil ud af, og samtidig ønsker man, at den lukker sig tættere omkring en for at skærme for alt det, man ikke magter.

This opportunity is special fore,as Emika's music has played in my head during the times of deep anxieties. In 2012, I was helping with a film festival that used Emika's tune to 3 hours as an intro. The theme of the (queer) festival was madness. It was a time when,after several triggers including an abusive relationship I started to have panic and anxiety attacks. I thought of death all the time,couldn't stop it. Took me 6 months to recover and slowly get back to a better condition. Since then,every.now and then I suffer from anxieties. I learned to make my peace with it. accepted that this could happen any time and that it is important to take care of the self. to look for others. to stay away from the abusers. I tend to fail the last one. so when Im really really down and need an emancipation kick, the 3 Hours song does the work. not everytime. and sometimes it makes me sad. but for me,its one of the most powerful songs and I always.feel emotions while listening to it. from the tunes and from the many memories it brings me.

Masentuneena en jaksaisi olla ihmisten ympäröimänä. Mielelläni jäisin kotiin. Mutta kuka kuulisi ja näkisi vetäytymiseni taakse? Masentuneena ääni tarttuu kurkkuun ja on vaikea pyytää apua.

Siento que todo se viene abajo y que nada tiene sentido. Puedo funcionar en mi vida diaria pero nada de lo que hago importa y todo me hace llorar. Dejo de hacer las cosas que antes me gustaban (dibujar, leer, salir con amigos) me encierro en mi mundo y no salgo a menos que sea al trabajo, porque tengo miedo. Tengo miedo de que me vean, siento que algo siempre me va a lastimar físicamente si me expongo a otros. No puedo ver a nadie a los ojos porque no quiero que vean lo que siento. Y me siento sola, muy sola, repugnante físicamente y un fracaso que no merece ser amado por lo que soy.

The sadness will never ends

Ich fühle nicht mehr, ich funktioniere nur noch. Alles ist grau und sinnlos. Ich bin isoliert und allein.

Deprese je jako velký černý pes, který chodí všude s tebou, nikdy jsi si ho nechtěla pořídit ale stejně si lehne ke všemu co máš ráda. Deprese způsobená samotou a neschopností navázat a udržet kvalitní vztahy mě potkala v období, které možná může být tím nejlepším v našem životě. Od 26 let se člověk musí srovnávat s tím, že přišel o většinu přátel, potýká se s pochybnostmi o smyslu čehokoliv o co se pokouší. Místo ochutnávání společně uvařených jídel je Fluzak, místo objetí jenom přikrývka, místo spousty sexu jen hodiny zbůhdarma proležené v posteli a místo sdílených vteřin prázdné dny. Probouzet se je skvělé. Nejhorší je usínání.

Depression is a constant in my life, and sadly I've learnt to accept it as part of who I am, but not my defining feature. Regardless of how I feel on a day to day basis, there is always an underlying emptiness which never disappears. Distraction can help, but when I'm alone with my thoughts, be that at night or during the working day, that's when it hits me the hardest, and it's awful. Sometimes it's an effort to even get out of bed in the mornings. And even when it goes away temporarily, I can't enjoy it because I know it will come back... Many thanks to Emika for promoting awareness of this important issue, and much love and support for any of you experiencing similar issues!

Mulle masennus tuntuu kuin harmaalta ja raskaalta verholta silmieni edessä, joka saa mut näkemään kaikki sameassa ja surullisessa valossa.

I think the best explanation I've come across about depression, is the feeling of being pressed down.. de-pressed. Something heavy, working against you, being carried around. I can't say if I have had this or not, but a layer of anxiety was hovering above really deep intimate feelings of sadness which I didn't want to deal with and it manifested over time. Turning it all into music somehow was a way of making something horrible into something beautiful.

Powoli przybijam piątkę z moim smutkiem, choć nigdy nie będzie pomiędzy nami zgody. Potrafię już go nazwać, ale nie zawsze daję szansę mu odejść.














x
Falling In Love With Sadness

Dear Fans,

/s/ /s/

Thank you for visiting my page.

/s/ /s/

I would like to invite you to share your experiences of depression and mental health. You can write anonymously and in your own language.

/s/ /s/

By pre-ordering my album, you will also be supporting Music Minds Matter, a 24/7 service that helps musicians through tough times.

/s/ /s/

Thank you for sharing!

/s/ /s/

Emika ♥

x
Falling In Love With Sadness