Minha depressão olhou pra vida com os olhos de quem não quer mais viver. Tornou o meu mundo cinza e tirou o sentido de tudo que um dia foi importante. Falo dela no passado porque tive que percorrer um longo caminho pra tornar meu mundo colorido de novo.

Masentuneena en jaksaisi olla ihmisten ympäröimänä. Mielelläni jäisin kotiin. Mutta kuka kuulisi ja näkisi vetäytymiseni taakse? Masentuneena ääni tarttuu kurkkuun ja on vaikea pyytää apua.

My depression felt like a large deep hole I was never going to get out of. It was all consuming and dragged me away from any kind of normality. I felt suspended in time and that no-one understood what I was going through. I felt so lonely, even in a crowd. I felt useless.

Es no entender que siento y no saber cómo controlarlo.

Дорогая Эмика, хочу поделиться своей историей на родном русском языке. Раньше я считала, что всё в голове, что, если тебе плохо, достаточно пересмотреть взгляд на своё состояние, что не нужны никакие антидепрессанты, врачи, ты можешь справиться со всем самостоятельно. И я не понимала свою бывшую девушку, которая часто испытывала депрессию, ходила к психотерапевту, радовалась жизни только под действием антидепрессантов. Спустя время, я поняла её. Я не узнавала себя, я чувствовала себя жутко несчастной, плакала по поводу и без повода. И ловила себя на мысли "раньше я умела радоваться". Теперь я понимаю, что зерно меланхолии давно было заложено во мне. Теперь я не думаю, что, если ты много плачешь или испытываешь несчастье, то с тобой что-то не так. Сейчас я принимаю и переживаю все эмоции, именно это принятие помогает легче воспринимать грусть и радость. Всего тебе замечательного!

A numbness, void of feeling, of experience, of detail, and yet tainted by irrepressible melancholy, tangible merely by its presence amongst an absence of sensory processing. The self-knowledge of impotence, the battle lines of depression so prescient and present beyond existential, but with only an inner murmur, tone deaf and stripped bare, with which to fight back. Debilitating! Suffocating! Dehumanising! Horror!

Wenn ich depressiv bin, dann fühle ich mich sehr erschöpft, antriebslos und niedergeschlagen. Ich habe keine Energie bzw. Motivation etwas zu machen oder mich für irgendwas zu begeistern. Ich bin traurig und fühle mich einsam. Ein Unbehagen macht sich in mir breit. Gedankenkreisen wie ein Adler immer wieder um dieselben Sachen. Ich fühle mich verloren und finde keinen Sinn.

Like being dead but still alive. Like shackles that bind my heart and soul, sucking my life-force down into the black hole that is the heavy ground beneath. It's as if I'm living in parallel to my real self, my better self, my vital self. I stand opposed to the light; sometimes I see it but I know I'll never dance in its embrace.

Depression has been my constant companion throughout my entire adult life. But it has become a case of boundaries: where do I end and where does depression begin? I am unsure of who I am; my identity. Over time the boundaries have become like liquid and I know now that if I lost depression I would possibly lose myself completely. To lose demons you sometimes lose angels. I don’t have many angels but I am scared to lose the few I have. And so depression is a part of who I am and who I have become.

Depression er som at være i en osteklokke, som man gerne vil ud af, og samtidig ønsker man, at den lukker sig tættere omkring en for at skærme for alt det, man ikke magter.

hrozně. thought its a good thing that finally theres so many ppl and musicians talk about depression&mental health. now its all i see and hear. it became a trigger of its own. i feel more and more ashamed of bein sick myself. falling in love with sadness. what does it mean? to cope? i feel in order to stay sane i need to reprogramme what ive been listening to. more taylor swift or sth. its horrible. it will get better. i know it will. but right now its horrible.

Моя депрессия - пустота, затягивающая меня в свою бездну. Она любит меня, не может без меня жить, я отвечаю взаимностью. Моя тревога разрушает жизнь, любовь, работу. Часто я хочу исчезнуть. Не умереть, нет, просто перестать быть. Слиться с депрессией, лишиться тела. Тонуть в музыке, тьме и чувствах. Я очень хочу обнять всех не "нейротипичных" людей, я хочу, чтобы только вы были вокруг, я хочу поддерживать вас и получать поддержку. Я вас люблю.

I got my depressive side from my mother. There was always that darkness inside of me. I was a nice child but was really lost. Always been waving and fighting between the light and the shadows. There has always been a cloud in front of my rainbow. I have learned, through the years, and especially through music, not only to accept, but to embrace my dark side. To accept my tears, and stop seeing that darkness as a weakness. When I first heard you it was Battles. I feel in love with your voice, your sound, your soul, cause we can totally feel it. I follow you since and I got to say you make me travel in my head so much more that I could around the world... Thank you for sharing your uniqueness with you, you truly are a blessing xxx

This opportunity is special fore,as Emika's music has played in my head during the times of deep anxieties. In 2012, I was helping with a film festival that used Emika's tune to 3 hours as an intro. The theme of the (queer) festival was madness. It was a time when,after several triggers including an abusive relationship I started to have panic and anxiety attacks. I thought of death all the time,couldn't stop it. Took me 6 months to recover and slowly get back to a better condition. Since then,every.now and then I suffer from anxieties. I learned to make my peace with it. accepted that this could happen any time and that it is important to take care of the self. to look for others. to stay away from the abusers. I tend to fail the last one. so when Im really really down and need an emancipation kick, the 3 Hours song does the work. not everytime. and sometimes it makes me sad. but for me,its one of the most powerful songs and I always.feel emotions while listening to it. from the tunes and from the many memories it brings me.

My depression feels mostly like the absence of feeling. The best I get is perpetually numb, but that is better than when despair takes over and I feel like I cannot breathe and nothing will ever get better. I am working on it though and it is the hope that things will get better that keeps me going.

Депресијата е голема, празна и црна дупка која толку силно притиска во градите, силно боли, но недозволува ни солза да пуштиш.

Dlouho jsem nevěděla, že to, co cítím, je deprese... Každodenní boj s drobnostmi, který se dostal do fáze, kdy jsem stála třeba hodinu na místě a nebyla schopná ničeho... A přitom mi v hlavě jen běžely výčitky, že jsem neschopná... A tak jsem se za každou takovou situaci trestala, fyzicky i duševně. Ale jen jsem se dostávala do bludného kruhu zablokování, zmrznutí a následných trestů... Dostalo se mi pomoci a už nikdy nechci zpět...

I experienced a terrible depression throughout 2017, after recovering from manic psychosis. When I am depressed I sleep an awful lot, and my dreams become a form of escapism. Waking up was always awful, but if I could awake maybe three times in between different dreams, it almost felt like I was experiencing something worthwhile. The moment I could not get back to sleep was when the nightmare began. Longing for death, unable to comprehend anything like excitement... I would sit there and try to imagine what could rouse me. Even fractals and faraway planets were trite and meaningless. I did feel a special closeness to a higher power at that time. I had utmost faith in God even though he was responsible for my torment. Oddly, when I am happy and lucid I'm an agnostic who doesn't respect God if he does exist...everything becomes hard work.. The thought of standing upright in a shower and washing yourself is incomprehensible, and I managed to about once every three weeks. Washing was harder than planning and writing a dissertation. I'm struggling to even put myself back in that person's shoes. Usually quite a giddy person, who lives for laughter and can honestly say I went an entire year without so much as even smiling. Anyway, I'll stop it's making me shudder thinking about it! Hopefully never ever again!

so...in my language... Plus grosse claque que Portishead il y a 15 ans, plus de sensation, avec ta musqiue tu fais de ma dépression un paradis. Hope you understand, take care

Meine Depression ist wie ein altbekannter, unerwünschter Gast im dunklen Gewandt. Plötzlich ist sie da, macht es sich auf meinem Küchenstühl bequem und starrt mich erwartungsvoll an. Heute zucke ich müde die Glieder. Es ist ein altes Lied. Am Morgen, Aufstehen unmöglich, am Abend ist die Nacht noch zu lang. Die Depression verlangt Aufmerksamkeit, sie wütend in der Vorratskammer, frisst ungefragt Energien. Wenn sie satt ist, nistet sie sich ein in mir, legt mich in Fesseln, macht die Wege lang und meinen Kopf zu wirr für klare Gedanken. Irgendwann ist sie weg, wie ein Gespenst durch die Hintertür. Ich atme auf. Wissend: Der nächste Besuch kommt bestimmt.

Minha depressão olhou pra vida com os olhos de quem não quer mais viver. Tornou o meu mundo cinza e tirou o sentido de tudo que um dia foi importante. Falo dela no passado porque tive que percorrer um longo caminho pra tornar meu mundo colorido de novo.

Masentuneena en jaksaisi olla ihmisten ympäröimänä. Mielelläni jäisin kotiin. Mutta kuka kuulisi ja näkisi vetäytymiseni taakse? Masentuneena ääni tarttuu kurkkuun ja on vaikea pyytää apua.

My depression felt like a large deep hole I was never going to get out of. It was all consuming and dragged me away from any kind of normality. I felt suspended in time and that no-one understood what I was going through. I felt so lonely, even in a crowd. I felt useless.

Es no entender que siento y no saber cómo controlarlo.

Дорогая Эмика, хочу поделиться своей историей на родном русском языке. Раньше я считала, что всё в голове, что, если тебе плохо, достаточно пересмотреть взгляд на своё состояние, что не нужны никакие антидепрессанты, врачи, ты можешь справиться со всем самостоятельно. И я не понимала свою бывшую девушку, которая часто испытывала депрессию, ходила к психотерапевту, радовалась жизни только под действием антидепрессантов. Спустя время, я поняла её. Я не узнавала себя, я чувствовала себя жутко несчастной, плакала по поводу и без повода. И ловила себя на мысли "раньше я умела радоваться". Теперь я понимаю, что зерно меланхолии давно было заложено во мне. Теперь я не думаю, что, если ты много плачешь или испытываешь несчастье, то с тобой что-то не так. Сейчас я принимаю и переживаю все эмоции, именно это принятие помогает легче воспринимать грусть и радость. Всего тебе замечательного!

A numbness, void of feeling, of experience, of detail, and yet tainted by irrepressible melancholy, tangible merely by its presence amongst an absence of sensory processing. The self-knowledge of impotence, the battle lines of depression so prescient and present beyond existential, but with only an inner murmur, tone deaf and stripped bare, with which to fight back. Debilitating! Suffocating! Dehumanising! Horror!

Wenn ich depressiv bin, dann fühle ich mich sehr erschöpft, antriebslos und niedergeschlagen. Ich habe keine Energie bzw. Motivation etwas zu machen oder mich für irgendwas zu begeistern. Ich bin traurig und fühle mich einsam. Ein Unbehagen macht sich in mir breit. Gedankenkreisen wie ein Adler immer wieder um dieselben Sachen. Ich fühle mich verloren und finde keinen Sinn.

Like being dead but still alive. Like shackles that bind my heart and soul, sucking my life-force down into the black hole that is the heavy ground beneath. It's as if I'm living in parallel to my real self, my better self, my vital self. I stand opposed to the light; sometimes I see it but I know I'll never dance in its embrace.

Depression has been my constant companion throughout my entire adult life. But it has become a case of boundaries: where do I end and where does depression begin? I am unsure of who I am; my identity. Over time the boundaries have become like liquid and I know now that if I lost depression I would possibly lose myself completely. To lose demons you sometimes lose angels. I don’t have many angels but I am scared to lose the few I have. And so depression is a part of who I am and who I have become.

Depression er som at være i en osteklokke, som man gerne vil ud af, og samtidig ønsker man, at den lukker sig tættere omkring en for at skærme for alt det, man ikke magter.

hrozně. thought its a good thing that finally theres so many ppl and musicians talk about depression&mental health. now its all i see and hear. it became a trigger of its own. i feel more and more ashamed of bein sick myself. falling in love with sadness. what does it mean? to cope? i feel in order to stay sane i need to reprogramme what ive been listening to. more taylor swift or sth. its horrible. it will get better. i know it will. but right now its horrible.

Моя депрессия - пустота, затягивающая меня в свою бездну. Она любит меня, не может без меня жить, я отвечаю взаимностью. Моя тревога разрушает жизнь, любовь, работу. Часто я хочу исчезнуть. Не умереть, нет, просто перестать быть. Слиться с депрессией, лишиться тела. Тонуть в музыке, тьме и чувствах. Я очень хочу обнять всех не "нейротипичных" людей, я хочу, чтобы только вы были вокруг, я хочу поддерживать вас и получать поддержку. Я вас люблю.

I got my depressive side from my mother. There was always that darkness inside of me. I was a nice child but was really lost. Always been waving and fighting between the light and the shadows. There has always been a cloud in front of my rainbow. I have learned, through the years, and especially through music, not only to accept, but to embrace my dark side. To accept my tears, and stop seeing that darkness as a weakness. When I first heard you it was Battles. I feel in love with your voice, your sound, your soul, cause we can totally feel it. I follow you since and I got to say you make me travel in my head so much more that I could around the world... Thank you for sharing your uniqueness with you, you truly are a blessing xxx

This opportunity is special fore,as Emika's music has played in my head during the times of deep anxieties. In 2012, I was helping with a film festival that used Emika's tune to 3 hours as an intro. The theme of the (queer) festival was madness. It was a time when,after several triggers including an abusive relationship I started to have panic and anxiety attacks. I thought of death all the time,couldn't stop it. Took me 6 months to recover and slowly get back to a better condition. Since then,every.now and then I suffer from anxieties. I learned to make my peace with it. accepted that this could happen any time and that it is important to take care of the self. to look for others. to stay away from the abusers. I tend to fail the last one. so when Im really really down and need an emancipation kick, the 3 Hours song does the work. not everytime. and sometimes it makes me sad. but for me,its one of the most powerful songs and I always.feel emotions while listening to it. from the tunes and from the many memories it brings me.

My depression feels mostly like the absence of feeling. The best I get is perpetually numb, but that is better than when despair takes over and I feel like I cannot breathe and nothing will ever get better. I am working on it though and it is the hope that things will get better that keeps me going.

Депресијата е голема, празна и црна дупка која толку силно притиска во градите, силно боли, но недозволува ни солза да пуштиш.

Dlouho jsem nevěděla, že to, co cítím, je deprese... Každodenní boj s drobnostmi, který se dostal do fáze, kdy jsem stála třeba hodinu na místě a nebyla schopná ničeho... A přitom mi v hlavě jen běžely výčitky, že jsem neschopná... A tak jsem se za každou takovou situaci trestala, fyzicky i duševně. Ale jen jsem se dostávala do bludného kruhu zablokování, zmrznutí a následných trestů... Dostalo se mi pomoci a už nikdy nechci zpět...

I experienced a terrible depression throughout 2017, after recovering from manic psychosis. When I am depressed I sleep an awful lot, and my dreams become a form of escapism. Waking up was always awful, but if I could awake maybe three times in between different dreams, it almost felt like I was experiencing something worthwhile. The moment I could not get back to sleep was when the nightmare began. Longing for death, unable to comprehend anything like excitement... I would sit there and try to imagine what could rouse me. Even fractals and faraway planets were trite and meaningless. I did feel a special closeness to a higher power at that time. I had utmost faith in God even though he was responsible for my torment. Oddly, when I am happy and lucid I'm an agnostic who doesn't respect God if he does exist...everything becomes hard work.. The thought of standing upright in a shower and washing yourself is incomprehensible, and I managed to about once every three weeks. Washing was harder than planning and writing a dissertation. I'm struggling to even put myself back in that person's shoes. Usually quite a giddy person, who lives for laughter and can honestly say I went an entire year without so much as even smiling. Anyway, I'll stop it's making me shudder thinking about it! Hopefully never ever again!

so...in my language... Plus grosse claque que Portishead il y a 15 ans, plus de sensation, avec ta musqiue tu fais de ma dépression un paradis. Hope you understand, take care

Meine Depression ist wie ein altbekannter, unerwünschter Gast im dunklen Gewandt. Plötzlich ist sie da, macht es sich auf meinem Küchenstühl bequem und starrt mich erwartungsvoll an. Heute zucke ich müde die Glieder. Es ist ein altes Lied. Am Morgen, Aufstehen unmöglich, am Abend ist die Nacht noch zu lang. Die Depression verlangt Aufmerksamkeit, sie wütend in der Vorratskammer, frisst ungefragt Energien. Wenn sie satt ist, nistet sie sich ein in mir, legt mich in Fesseln, macht die Wege lang und meinen Kopf zu wirr für klare Gedanken. Irgendwann ist sie weg, wie ein Gespenst durch die Hintertür. Ich atme auf. Wissend: Der nächste Besuch kommt bestimmt.














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Falling In Love With Sadness

Dear Fans,

/s/ /s/

Thank you for visiting my page.

/s/ /s/

I would like to invite you to share your experiences of depression and mental health. You can write anonymously and in your own language.

/s/ /s/

By pre-ordering my album, you will also be supporting Music Minds Matter, a 24/7 service that helps musicians through tough times.

/s/ /s/

Thank you for sharing!

/s/ /s/

Emika ♥

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Falling In Love With Sadness